Sexy Cougar!

No not that kind of cougar.

It's that time of the year again. Rebecca's anniversary isn't far off and this year's upset isn't much different from last year. I've been spending a lot more time with Courtney since she and Bobby got engaged. Everytime I drive away from our meetings I usually instantly remember Becca just the same.

I remember the times in Becca's car, that both Courtney and I adored. She had a sexy, yellow Mecury Limited edition Cougar. The first time I was in her car was right after I crossed and the car was filled with the smell of cloves. I cannot tell you how much the smell of cloves makes me choke up. My heart still cries when I see a Cougar on the road. The day after we crossed, Becca asked me and Courtney to wash her car for her. I'm sure most people would refuse and tell her to do it herself. However, Courtney and I jumped on this opportunity.  See if we had to wash the car, that meant we were going to get to drive the car. Like I said, Courtney and I adored that car. So many images of Becca driving through campus with the windows down and the music blaring resonate my memory. I continue to miss her and she crosses my mind randomly constantly.

To lighten the demeanor of this post I'll change the subject slightly. Last night I had dinner with Courtney. I went to go pick her up and I got lost of course. *fingers crossed* I hope I figure out how to get to Courtney's place without having the circle all of Decatur before the wedding. As we travel through the Highlands and find a decent parking spot, Courtney realizes I'm once again helpless and has to parallel park for me. Seriously, I'm a lost cause and so fortunate for two things: I have wonderful friends and I know how to laugh at myself. We went to go see my other wonderful sister Tiffany at her job, Goin' Coastal. Everyone go check it out and definitely try the Pink Lemonade, it is AMAZING! I don't think I've ever been so addicted to a drink. After our pre-dinner cocktail, we head to La Tavola for our dinner reservation. Courtney used to work there during undergrad, so we get our usual warm greetings as we enter. I ordered the gnocchi and I must have really hated it because I was sopping up the last of the black truffle sauce with my bread. When the waitress came to clear the table, Courtney and I looked at each other and with our head lowered we admit that we're not done with the plate. In conclusion, I'm convinced Chef Craig Richards uses crack in his ricotta gnocchi in black truffle sauce with chives topped with a poached egg. Of course, as usual it was wonderful to spend time with Courtney. I can't wait for the bachelorette and the wedding.

Ricotta Gnocchi in Black Truffle Sauce with Chives topped with a Poached Egg!

I was telling a friend last night I have a new deal breaker on my "list". The person I end up with needs to appreciate food. I came to this conclusion after the meal I had with Courtney last night. I would say I'm some sort of a pseudo-foodie. I'm not very picky, but I do find beauty in how food comes together and how different flavor notes can improve an entire dish. Growing up as an Indian and being fed an authentic diet, I'm attracted to complex flavors. I enjoy depths of flavor filled with warmth and spice. So, yes my signifcant other has to like food, moreover different types of food and be willing to try new things. Is that asking for too much? Eh, maybe.

Never be ashamed...

....accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle."
"How will I know which is which?"
"By the taste. You can only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one." -Paulo Coelho, Brida

This quote seems fitting, if you take in consideration the name of my blog. Even more reason to apply it to my life, no? Recently, someone asked me what's the craziest thing I've ever done. I went through everything in my head and I couldn't think of anything "crazy". He pointed out that my profile says I would try anything once. This is really true, I think everything deserves a chance but once you do it, it doesn't seem so crazy anymore. I've been to a shooting range, skiing, went white water rafting, climbed a mountain, went to a monkey park, played a geisha for a few hours, sang and danced in front of over 500 people. None of that seems crazy though. I would do every single one of those again. For some people, getting on a plane to go across the world is crazy. I've been told I'm crazy for some things I never even thought twice about doing. So what is really considered crazy?

I think we relate "crazy" with our fears. As I've progressed in my Paulo Coelho reading list, most of the characters in his books seem to go through some major revelation. They've all had to face some kind of fear where in the end they triumph and have some kind of major epiphany. I started Brida this week and as I read it, I realize that everything in life deserves a chance. This book talks a lot about the paths that people come across in life. This quote seemed to resonate when I read it, "when you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way." When I leave this earth I know I won't regret the things I've done. I'm pretty sure I'll fixate more on the things I didn't do, the people I held back with, and the opportunities I let pass me by. We all have a bucket list, what's on yours?

I leave you with one last quote from the book that I'm still dissecting. "Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others. She had a whole life to live, and she was always thinking that, in the future, she might regret the choices she made now. 'I’m afraid of committing myself,' she thought to herself. She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none. Even in that most important area of her life, love, she had failed to commit herself. After her first romantic disappointment, she had never again given herself entirely. She feared pain, loss, and separation. These things were inevitable on the path to love, and the only way of avoiding them was by deciding not to take that path at all. In order not to suffer, you had to renounce love. It was like putting out your own eyes not to see the bad things in life." Thoughts anyone?

It's the simple things....

... in life that are the most extraordinary. - Paulo Coelho

I don't know how much of the love that I get I deserve. The feelings this year seem rather overwhelming. I feel so loved and I can't describe how wonderful it even feels. I'm seriously a very fortunate person.

This past Saturday I had my birthday dinner. Uma planned it so perfect. We had dinner at Prickly Pear, and it was wonderful. I was so happy to see so many of my closest friends all in one place. It really reminded me how much I have to be thankful for. Everyone at this dinner has one time in my life been there for me. Whether it was to just listen to my problems, give me advice, borrow something, make me laugh, or just for a hug. I don't think I can say thank you enough and express how I really feel because its limitless. We went to Havana after dinner and to say the least the night was one to remember(?). I was just so happy, giggly, and I felt like I was on the top of the world.

Yesterday was my real birthday. Once again, I felt so love. The out pour of calls, texts, wall posts were well received and appreciated. I had drinks with my friend Melissa, and it was just a simple night. I couldn't have asked for a better day or night. I love being able to catch up with everyone. I really love my life.

This is a short story written by Paulo Coelho, which will be the new promise I'm making to all my friends.

Once upon a time there was a poor but very brave man called Ali. He worked for Ammar, a rich old merchant.

One winter’s night Ammar said: “nobody can spend a night like this on top of the mountain without a blanket or food. But you need money, and if you can manage to do that you will receive a great reward. If you don’t, you will work for thirty days without pay”.

Ali answered: “tomorrow I shall do this test”.

But when he left the shop, he saw that a really icy wind was blowing and became scared, so he decided to ask his best friend, Aydi, if it was crazy of him to accept that bet.

After reflecting a while, Aydi answered: “I shall help you. Tomorrow, when you are at the top of the mountain, look ahead. I will be on the top of the mountain next to yours, where I will spend the whole night with a bonfire lit for you. You look at the fire and think about our friendship – that will keep you warm. You will manage, and later on I shall ask you something in return.”
Ali won the test, got the money, and went to his friend’s house: “You told me you wanted some payment.”

Aydi answered: ”Yes, but it isn’t money. Promise that if at any time a cold wind passes through my life, you will light the fire of friendship for me.”

I promise to all my friends that I will always be there for them and I will never take them for granted. I love all of you.

I'm in no rush!

All my close friends are happily married or engaged. Most girls would have a moment where they would honestly think, "what's wrong with me". Well after some thought, nothing is wrong with me. Yes, I'm flawed, and far from perfect. However, I'm educated, I cook, I clean, I workout, I'm a proud Gujarati, I'm a devote Hindu, I have family values, and I have morals. I'm not saying that something is wrong with every guy I've dated either; the timing just seemed to be off and I'm never in any mood to go revisit my past (I simply don't believe in it). I can honestly say I'm in no rush to get married. If you know me, I've conjured up my perfect wedding, and in my head I want it to be old school. I have an old heart and I want to walk down to a song perhaps circa 1961 but no later than maybe 1996 (even that's pushing it). I want to follow the old traditions to a tee, and I even plan on wearing my mother's old wedding sari. Yes, I've thought of it a lot, but I really don't wish to be married anytime soon.

I guess to clarify what I'm feeling, I should quote some logic from Sex and the City from the episode "I Love a Charade". This particular episode was about the zsa zsa zsu. The zsa zsa zsu is the feeling you get when you meet someone you really like and you get the butterflies in your stomach feeling. At the end, Carrie's voice over says, "some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies". I gave this advice to my friend Divya about two years ago. Today, I get a text from her asking for my address. Why? Well that's because Divya is engaged to the guy she could never escape, her Mr. Big (I use this reference for obvious reasons). She listened to me and she refused to settle for anything less than the zsa zsa zsu. I told her it never lies and to always trust it. So today I thought, why preach it if I'm not going to listen to myself. I'm in no rush because I refuse to settle. I don't want the fairy tale ending without the fairy tale beginning and middle.

Am I slightly taken back by my friends' engagement/wedding ring? Yes. Do I cringe when my aunt says, "always a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Yes. Do I keep reading the Panic Years for reassurance that my reactions are normal? Absolutely! Does this make me want any of this sooner and faster? No. My friend Deepa (happily married) once said, "who said that marriage is the end all be all to happiness"? She's right. I've cried at every wedding, with the exception of Sonal's because frankly I fell asleep. *Side Note* Before you write me off as the world's worst friend, it was 3 in the morning and we were in India! During all the reception speeches, I also cried, again with the exception of Sonal's because she lived 10 minutes away. What I'm trying to say is, I'm emotional when it comes to my friends. Their happiness is my happiness. Their sadness usually consumes my every thought. I've said it before, I absolutely love my friends and so grateful for every single one of them. Trust me, I want what they have, but aside from their title of "wife", they also have love.

I'll end this post with a couple more quotes by my favorite author, you should know him by now. In Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho writes, "I need to love - that's all, I need to love. Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly." So I'll continue to live vicariously through my friends, until I find my own, because seeing them lets me know its worth it all. Marriage isn't the end all be all to happiness, love is happiness. Like Maria in Eleven Minutes, I know in order to find true love, I have to get the mediocre love out of my system, and I will, one day. I'm just in no rush, Maria help me conclude, "if I don't think about love, I will be nothing". So in the last month or so you've read about my moments of self realization and knowing my self worth. Today, you know that even though marriage isn't what I want, love is. Without love, I wouldn't say I'm nothing, but I'm incomplete.

Just one of them days....

...that a girl goes through. - Monica

I've mentioned it before but I'm forever an Atlanta girl (I have a set of veins on my left forearm in the form of the Atlanta Brave's A), so naturally I love Monica. Aside from the fact she's from the A, she has a great voice,and I literally grew up listening to her ever since I was in fourth grade, her music is rather nostalgic. So last year, I said I was going to make this a makeup blog, but recent events in my life and the major changes concluded me to just post about my life. I used this blog as a vehicle to get things out of my head so I'm remain sane. I don't think I have an eventful life. I do the normal things -- I put in a day's work, go to the gym, hang out with my friends, and indulge in "me" time in the form of reading, watching television, and listen to music. Like anyone I have those days where something just feels blah, and I can't put my finger on it.

It's a relatively gloomy, cloudy Sunday afternoon and I'm just thinking about going to the gym for yoga at 4:30. My best friend from high school, Katie finally joined my gym, so now I have someone to drag with me on days I need to just get out of my house and the only logical thing to do is head to the gym. Hopefully, Lois, the first friend I ever made at Buford, might also make an appearance. Power in numbers, right? 

This morning I was looking at the dress I wore for my birthday dinner last year. Its a black and purple, size 10, high empire waist, long, and flows out to flatter my midsection just perfect. This year it couldn't be more different. It's an off-white, medium, strapless, short, rouging all over, and skin tight. Don't get me wrong, I feel accomplished, I've done a lot in a year and a half that most people still have trouble grasping. I keep my before and after picture on my wall as my daily reminder and it still brings a gracious grin on my face (is that an oxymoron). However, this morning I woke up thinking about my friend Kamilah, who was going to run her first half-marathon this morning. She told me back in November she was going into training and I sincerely became somewhat envious of her "got to do it" attitude. If you've been keeping up, I have a slight addiction to the gym, but my outlook on cardio and endurance is still a love/hate relationship. I love the fact I burn all those calories in a span of 30-45 minutes but it feels like a chore, to say the least. I prefer taking the classes my gym has to offer, the elliptical, and the machines for strength conditioning. I don't really believe in resolutions, like I've mentioned before, but I do seem to set goals when my birthday approaches, during Diwali, and the traditional New Year (this helps with short-term considering they're 3-6 months apart from one another). Dare I say for this birthday, I really want to try to change my views on running. Bhagwan, played a great joke when I was born, He made sure I was born on the last day of a month so I start fresh on the first of the month with any new goal I set. Of course, that day happens to be April Fool's Day, so I can always conclude the day with a, "Haha, just kidding, I'm so funny, nice try there Hemli".

I have a feeling yoga will get me out of my funk, if nothing I now have something to think about during meditation. Tomorrow is a new day. I have a mid-week massage and facial, which I'm so glad I kept putting off because its coming at a great time. At the end of the week, I have my birthday dinner. The closer that gets, the more excited I get about being around some of my wonderful friends. That alone should be enough to help me get through my week. Today is just one of them days, don't take it personal.

We pretend to be strong....

...because we are weak. - Paulo Coelho

We all have weak moments. Those moments where you forgo that year and half diet and workout regimen for a day of vegging out to the max with every potato chip known to man kind. That moment where you want to give into your inhibitions and call or text the last guy that "broke your heart". Question is why do we do this to ourselves? We know the next time we step on the scale and see it inch closer to the right rather than the left, we'll kick ourselves for eating the oily, salted, potato wafer goodness. You'll kick yourself even harder if the guy from your past is less miserable than you. However, we all seem to put ourselves in these questionable situations.

Last night, I was guilty of the vegging out and eating every potato chip my pantry had to offer and to my dismay I gained a singular pound this morning. Granted a minor set back and its highly doubtful I won't lose it by the end of the day of detox and eating celery, carrots, hummus, and rice crisps. Am I going to blame myself if I don't fit into my birthday dress by Saturday for one day of weakness? Absolutely. Am I going to be calorie Nazi for the next seven days? Yes ma'am. Am I being really ridiculous? The answer again is yes. Am I able to justify this craziness without sounding completely superficial? Nope. I guess, it is what it is. While I feel like I have greasy skin and my cheeks are puffed out from the outrageous sodium intake, I'm still happy. Of course, I was bothered this morning, but I'm not a bad person.

The second scenario, I've been guilty of in my past. There comes a moment my hand and brain couldn't be further apart from one another. I unlock my phone, scroll to that magical name, and send that infamous, "hey what you doing", text. Once again, something I can't justify without sounding considerably crazy. This person, at one point of my life, was the reason I had a minor breakdown. Yet I seem to have a moment, where I have to wonder what he is doing. His life all of the sudden has somewhat a priority in my mind. Is he ok? What is he doing on a Saturday night at 10:30 p.m.? Why does he cross my mind, when I'm most certain until that inevitable, "message sent" pops up on my phone, he hasn't even considered a thought of me? We're all guilty of it, right? I know we are because I get that random phone call every couple of weeks from a few different handful of friends, "Hemina, I did something stupid". See, we even admit it was stupid, but that doesn't seem to stop us from doing it. Sometimes, we can blame it on the alcohol (thanks Jamie Foxx), but that doesn't change the fact we were just plain weak. My friend Deepa has a quote, "behind every strong girl is a weak one hiding from all the pain". Like Paulo Coelho says, it's actually really easy to pretend to be strong. Maybe that's because your self-dignity seems to suppress your weakness, at least in my opinion.

When is it ok to be weak though?

Memory of an elephant...

Amongst my friends, I'm often told I have the memory of an elephant. I've also been told I know the most useless information but somehow it comes in handy. When all else fails, I seem to know how to Google all the right answers to every question. I've always had an inquisitive nature, I question everything and try to dissect every answer I come across to derive the ultimate correct one. I'm usually the one that has to come up with the story for a group reception speech. I'm also the one that is texted when someone is thinking of a movie or song but can't remember the title. I have been known to Google "love" and find out why perfume is called eau du toilette. This has its advantage and disadvantage. The disadvantage is the expectations are high, and if I do happen to forget something I never live it down. The advantage of course is everyone believes me even if the memory is slightly distorted.

So why is this the subject of my post today; mainly, because I've really been thinking about the new Bradley Cooper movie, Limitless.*Invitation Alert* Who wants to go with me to go watch the movie, inquire within? The movie is essentially supposed to be about Cooper's character taking a pill, which in turn gives him the ability to use the full potential of his brain, the average human never has access to using.

How do you get your mind so balanced that you use it to its full potential? I take yoga at least twice a week and during meditation/relaxation, my mind still has trouble to come to rest and not think about anything. As the the soft notes are played in the background, I drift off into a memory or make up a magical scenario to make me calm. I always thought the whole point of meditation was to think of nothing, but how is that even remotely possible? They say to concentrate on the way you breathe, or imagine a flame and just concentrate on the way it blows in the wind. Both of these strategies pose as a problem for me. When I start to think about my breathing, I begin to think of my body as a whole and the physiology behind it, which obviously takes a lot of thought. When I think about the flame, the Hindu in me, makes me start thinking about a devo and I begin to recite the Gayatri Mantra in my head. There is clearly nothing wrong with praying as a form of meditation, but why is it so hard for a mind to come to complete rest?

Monday, during yoga's meditation period, I started thinking about the horizon of a beach. Of course, that scenario didn't bring my mind to rest either. I began to think about a book I read my junior year in high school called The Awakening. *Spoiler Alert* At the end of the book, the main character becomes one with the ocean and walks into the horizon as she meets her final awakening. This thought made me start having thoughts of death (the inevitability not suicidal). Once again the Hindu in me becomes more alert, as I start think about some verses in The Bagwhad Gita. I don't like preaching, especially when I'm still in the process of trying to understand my own religion, a twenty-five year old process. However, in the second chapter Krishna explains how we shouldn't mourn death because the soul is simply deposing of the body much like we shed our clothes everyday. I've tried really hard to grasp this thought, but telling someone not to grieve is like telling someone to make their mind rest and become free of thought. Since Monday, it seems to consume more of my thoughts. Two summers ago, I met my Guru Didi Ji and she also tried to explain it to me. I still have a hard time not having some significant people in my life, that I have lost, cross my mind. She actually told me that when I begin to think of these people, to meditate and free my mind of thoughts. As I mentioned earlier, that is already one of my problems.

I love the fact I have a great memory, but it seems to always keep me thinking about something. I can't seem to ever escape my thoughts. Also makes it really hard to let go of things I want to forget; or pretend things are ok, when I keep thinking about what went wrong. That's why I usually try to be easy going about things instead of dwell on things that are out of my control. Its still hard for the impatient Aries to become patient, moreover forget about things. This is all part of the journey to self realization, I suppose. I yield advice from my favorite Atliens, OutKast, when I say, "don't act impatiently, you'll get where you need to be, in due time".