....even if the world keeps changing. I'm sitting here watching the old 1988 Hindi movie, Khoon Bhari Maang, I seem to always love that song. Brings back the better memories of my childhood and makes me reflect on the year 2010 a little more.
This year I turned 25 and went through a physical change, as I close out this year with 50 lbs gone. People kept asking for some kinda of mysterious secret of how I did it. To be honest, I stopped obsessing for the first time in my life. For once, I wasn't looking for a quick fix, I didn't do a crazy diet...I just worked out. I'm not going to be a poster child for weight lose and I'm not saying anything new, just work out and change parts of your diet that you know isn't healthy, everything in moderation. For once, I'm happy in my own skin and don't ever want to go back to the way things used to be. I guess you can say I do obsess a bit now, but I like think of it more as discipline and accepting my new healthier life style.
This year was also the year of marriages and engagements. Sonal, Deepa, Uma, and Minal got married, whilst the list for 2011 marriages started with engagements for Courtney and Aarti in the year 2010. I couldn't be happier for all my friends for finding love and happiness in another person. Ronak, Vishal, Hitesh, Nilay, Bobby, and Amit are all lucky men and I'm so happy to have them as additions in my life. All you girls deserve the best and I'm so happy I've been (or will be) able to apart of your weddings. Of course, how can I forget the addition of Shrina bhabi...I have to say Nilu hit that one out of the park. Also, I'm very happy for my sisters Vani and Ferin for tying the knot this year as well. The more that get engaged and married, however, the more frantic my parents get and the closer I am to being the Indian Jane Nichols (Katherine Heigl from 27 Dresses). Sign me up Bollywood. Seriously though, congratulations to everyone. A special congratulations to Neeky and Alpa for making it to their one year anniversary.
Of course, if you've been following me then you know my current obsession with makeup. I've been slacking, but this coming year I want to really do more tutorials and special looks. I won't say its a resolution because I don't believe in resolutions, we'll just call it a "to-do list for 2011". If you're anything like me you don't keep your resolution anyway so just make a to-do list--fun things, not-so-fun things, goals (short-term, long-term), etc. If you haven't caught it already, everyone go on my YouTube Channel, http://www.youtube.com/user/heminapatel85. I would love if you subscribe, rate, and comment, but I understand not everyone really cares or is that interested so no biggie.
I know I'm happier than I was a year ago. So much has changed, and yet I can't put my finger on the origin of my happiness. It could be my health, could be my amazing friends and family, could be because I'm single and independent. Oh well, as they say, "happiness is a journey, not a destination". Anyway I hope everyone has an amazing New Year and I'll put it on my to-do list to blog more.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Accountability!
So my friend Kamilah recently sent me a text about us doing an accountability partner/group thing. Shame on me I never got back to her. She got the idea from reading Aarti's blog, the winner of Next Food Network Star. Kamilah and I are pretty similar and when you add our friend Whitney in the mix its just a big mess of debauchery (that was redundant). Good music makes us cry, we're foodies, we enjoy the same extra-curricular activities, we love the same fashion, we seem to have similar reactions to situations, etc. The three of us were never meant to be friends according to the stars, our personalities should have clashed a long time ago, and yet we seem to only find sanity in our moments of wrecklessness (completely normal, I swear). I quote Paulo Coelho when he wrote in Veronika Decides to Die, "Stay mad, but behave like normal people. Run the risk of being different, but learn to do so without attracting attention." I'm pretty sure the three of us would define this as the art of sanity, and through the years through quarter-life crisis, dealing with the crazies, and nodding at ignorance, we have in fact mastered it (at least we hope so).
So going back to the idea of accountability partner/group. Where do we start and what do we want? Kamilah, has embraced food when she pretty much found out she was allergic to the world (refer to blog). I for some reason find comfort in putting on makeup, I'm not hiding from anything, rather I'm falling in love with who I am for once. Whitney, she might be the sanity factor in this, she will send us texts of randomness to make sure we're still thinking the same way.
After reading Aarti's blog, it turns out her accountability group meet once a week and make a list of short-term goals (week to month to year) and long-term goals (2-year to 5-year to 10-year). We're all rather ambitious people and we have different goals, but our similar personalities seem be able to keep our thoughts on the same page. Right now, I'm just babbling because I don't even know where to start. I know what I want from life but I've never put a time-line on it. I'm a girl who took forever to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, it took me a whole year to drop 30 lbs., took me until 25 years old to find a hobby, and until recently I never stood up for myself. I feel like those things should be part of my goals as well. Learning different things about myself and actually being happy with myself needs be some kind of goal, but is that short-term or long-term? I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
Its hard for Whitney to do this with us because she lives in Boston, but I'm sure we could Skype her in on this every now and then. If nothing she's be some kind of sanity moderator via text and calls.
I'll keep you updated on how this ends up, until then you should check out my new YouTube Channel:
So going back to the idea of accountability partner/group. Where do we start and what do we want? Kamilah, has embraced food when she pretty much found out she was allergic to the world (refer to blog). I for some reason find comfort in putting on makeup, I'm not hiding from anything, rather I'm falling in love with who I am for once. Whitney, she might be the sanity factor in this, she will send us texts of randomness to make sure we're still thinking the same way.
After reading Aarti's blog, it turns out her accountability group meet once a week and make a list of short-term goals (week to month to year) and long-term goals (2-year to 5-year to 10-year). We're all rather ambitious people and we have different goals, but our similar personalities seem be able to keep our thoughts on the same page. Right now, I'm just babbling because I don't even know where to start. I know what I want from life but I've never put a time-line on it. I'm a girl who took forever to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, it took me a whole year to drop 30 lbs., took me until 25 years old to find a hobby, and until recently I never stood up for myself. I feel like those things should be part of my goals as well. Learning different things about myself and actually being happy with myself needs be some kind of goal, but is that short-term or long-term? I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
Its hard for Whitney to do this with us because she lives in Boston, but I'm sure we could Skype her in on this every now and then. If nothing she's be some kind of sanity moderator via text and calls.
I'll keep you updated on how this ends up, until then you should check out my new YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/heminapatel85
I'm pretty excited and I'm happy I've found something I actually like doing, even if its on the side. I've uploaded 3 videos thus far and hopefully I'll post more soon. We shall see.Tuesday, June 15, 2010
From outside looking in....
...you can never understand it. From the inside looking out you can never explain it."
My sister Courtney McBee is officially engaged and I have to say I've never been happier for someone. What can I say about Courtney I haven't mentioned already in older posts. We met on LearnLink about 7 years almost to the date and the two of us were so excited to start the next chapter in our lives at Oxford. I didn't know it then but that was the start of a beautiful friendship. When we first saw each other at Lil's during orientation we gave each other a hug, and it felt like we had already known each other forever.
The friendship was a rare one but it was definitely a special one. We had psychology together and that was around the time I found out she was going to tap in Omega Delta. I had been going back and forth for a while, but I think knowing Courtney was going to be by my side it was enough for me to make a final decision. That was the moment we got closer and that's when I learned to trust her the most. Courtney saw me at some of my weakest moments in my life and she picked me up when I was ready to let it all go. She always had my back, even when I couldn't defend myself and supported me no matter what. Moreover, Courtney always has the same excitement of seeing me like she did the first time we met back in August '03.
Sometimes a lot of time passes between my days with Courtney, but it feels like we're just picking up where we left off; that's what I love the most. I also love the fact that she has an equally loving and caring mother that makes me feel like an adopted daughter. It still feels like yesterday when I met Courtney and its hard to believe we've known each other so long now. I have many memories with Courtney, like the time we were going through tap ins and I had to sit in the trunk of Courtney's truck. Courtney has a tendency to play her music loud and when we were getting out of the truck for dinner, I had became silent (we all know that's rare) and Courtney asked what was wrong, I replied "Your music is a little loud." I think my fondest memory of Courtney was the time we celebrated her birthday, just us two. We went to Sweetwater, had dinner at LaTavola, and chatted over daiquiris with Sex and the City. The two of us were going through a moment and felt like we were going through our quarter life crisis one year too early.
Some time has passed since that day and she had started dating Bobby. I didn't know but this guy was going to be her saving grace. It took a year for me to finally meet Bobby, but when I met him I knew he would be a winner for Courtney. He had been planning a birthday for Courtney's 25th and he had invited me. That was the first time someone that Courtney was dating had went to the trouble to include her friends and make it a special day for her. Maybe that was the time I knew Bobby was different.
Courtney has went from being a good friend to my sister and she's definitely someone I cherish in my life. I've said it before, I'll say it again: There are people that do come into your life and you don't really know how they got there but for some reason those are the people you want keep the closest. I love my sister and I'm absolutely ecstatic for her. I can't wait for the next chapter in her life and I'm so lucky that I have a chance to be a part of it! :)
5 down, 22 more to go >>> that would be my count to being the Indian Jane Nichols.
My sister Courtney McBee is officially engaged and I have to say I've never been happier for someone. What can I say about Courtney I haven't mentioned already in older posts. We met on LearnLink about 7 years almost to the date and the two of us were so excited to start the next chapter in our lives at Oxford. I didn't know it then but that was the start of a beautiful friendship. When we first saw each other at Lil's during orientation we gave each other a hug, and it felt like we had already known each other forever.
The friendship was a rare one but it was definitely a special one. We had psychology together and that was around the time I found out she was going to tap in Omega Delta. I had been going back and forth for a while, but I think knowing Courtney was going to be by my side it was enough for me to make a final decision. That was the moment we got closer and that's when I learned to trust her the most. Courtney saw me at some of my weakest moments in my life and she picked me up when I was ready to let it all go. She always had my back, even when I couldn't defend myself and supported me no matter what. Moreover, Courtney always has the same excitement of seeing me like she did the first time we met back in August '03.
Sometimes a lot of time passes between my days with Courtney, but it feels like we're just picking up where we left off; that's what I love the most. I also love the fact that she has an equally loving and caring mother that makes me feel like an adopted daughter. It still feels like yesterday when I met Courtney and its hard to believe we've known each other so long now. I have many memories with Courtney, like the time we were going through tap ins and I had to sit in the trunk of Courtney's truck. Courtney has a tendency to play her music loud and when we were getting out of the truck for dinner, I had became silent (we all know that's rare) and Courtney asked what was wrong, I replied "Your music is a little loud." I think my fondest memory of Courtney was the time we celebrated her birthday, just us two. We went to Sweetwater, had dinner at LaTavola, and chatted over daiquiris with Sex and the City. The two of us were going through a moment and felt like we were going through our quarter life crisis one year too early.
Some time has passed since that day and she had started dating Bobby. I didn't know but this guy was going to be her saving grace. It took a year for me to finally meet Bobby, but when I met him I knew he would be a winner for Courtney. He had been planning a birthday for Courtney's 25th and he had invited me. That was the first time someone that Courtney was dating had went to the trouble to include her friends and make it a special day for her. Maybe that was the time I knew Bobby was different.
Courtney has went from being a good friend to my sister and she's definitely someone I cherish in my life. I've said it before, I'll say it again: There are people that do come into your life and you don't really know how they got there but for some reason those are the people you want keep the closest. I love my sister and I'm absolutely ecstatic for her. I can't wait for the next chapter in her life and I'm so lucky that I have a chance to be a part of it! :)
5 down, 22 more to go >>> that would be my count to being the Indian Jane Nichols.
Friday, April 16, 2010
I try to pretend....
...it never happened. I try to forget the day Courtney texted me to call her as soon as I read the text. As close as we are, Courtney has never required me to call her at any given moment in the seven years we've known each other. I wasn't ready for the news, I didn't want to believe it. I felt it in my gut, whatever she had to say wasn't good, there were no exclamation marks of excitement; somehow, I could read the manner of the moment via that one text "Hey, call me when you get this." When I called Courtney, she gave me the news, "Rebecca Carter passed away."
I can't put my finger on when I met Rebecca, but I do remember her personality was like a magnet. She got along with just about everyone, made anyone laugh, easy to talk to, all in all such a breath of fresh air. I do remember one thing, after I met her she leaned in to hug me and I knew the scent immediately, Estee Lauder's Beyond Paradise. I have one little sample bottle, I can't bring myself to use it because its like having the little last memory I have of Rebecca. Days when I'm cooking with cloves I stop and inhale the clove to almost intoxication. Becca used to smoke cloves and she always smelt of sweet cloves, it was almost addictive. I remember the silly things. When I was tapping in OD, I went to go get my application signed and neither of us had a pen. She took her ashed clove and swiped it across the paper. I'm pretty sure she was supposed to yell at me for being unprepared, but she just smiled her Becca smile.
Yesterday, I went to the outlets and I went to the Cosmetic Company Outlet. Usually I would have had a free for all because of all the high end brands for super cheap. That wasn't the case this time. All I wanted to do was take the sample bottle of Beyond Paradise and just curl up in a little ball and cry. There are days I know she is the only one that could cheer me and she's not here anymore. When I talk out loud now I talk to Becca now. I know she's the only one listening to me. Sometimes, the answer just comes to me and I know Becca put it in my head.
Sometimes I think WWBD?....What Would Becca Do? The answer to that question would usually be take a fukitol and call it a day. That was the Becca answer to everything. Don't worry about anything that people are going to forget when the next best thing comes along. I knew when they told me I was Becca's lil sis, it wasn't by random. There wasn't any denial about how close Becca and I were. I miss her so much and I don't think she ever realized the impact she made on people. I wish I had a quote, poem, a song lyric to explain it. All I can think of is how I miss my big sis. I'm trying to get in tune with my inner elephant so I can remember the times I spent with her but the sadness of her absence is more overwhelming and won't let me think of anything else. I miss you so much Becca. I know you're sitting on the mountain top and over looking all of us but I just wish you were here. Rest in peace!
I can't put my finger on when I met Rebecca, but I do remember her personality was like a magnet. She got along with just about everyone, made anyone laugh, easy to talk to, all in all such a breath of fresh air. I do remember one thing, after I met her she leaned in to hug me and I knew the scent immediately, Estee Lauder's Beyond Paradise. I have one little sample bottle, I can't bring myself to use it because its like having the little last memory I have of Rebecca. Days when I'm cooking with cloves I stop and inhale the clove to almost intoxication. Becca used to smoke cloves and she always smelt of sweet cloves, it was almost addictive. I remember the silly things. When I was tapping in OD, I went to go get my application signed and neither of us had a pen. She took her ashed clove and swiped it across the paper. I'm pretty sure she was supposed to yell at me for being unprepared, but she just smiled her Becca smile.
Yesterday, I went to the outlets and I went to the Cosmetic Company Outlet. Usually I would have had a free for all because of all the high end brands for super cheap. That wasn't the case this time. All I wanted to do was take the sample bottle of Beyond Paradise and just curl up in a little ball and cry. There are days I know she is the only one that could cheer me and she's not here anymore. When I talk out loud now I talk to Becca now. I know she's the only one listening to me. Sometimes, the answer just comes to me and I know Becca put it in my head.
Sometimes I think WWBD?....What Would Becca Do? The answer to that question would usually be take a fukitol and call it a day. That was the Becca answer to everything. Don't worry about anything that people are going to forget when the next best thing comes along. I knew when they told me I was Becca's lil sis, it wasn't by random. There wasn't any denial about how close Becca and I were. I miss her so much and I don't think she ever realized the impact she made on people. I wish I had a quote, poem, a song lyric to explain it. All I can think of is how I miss my big sis. I'm trying to get in tune with my inner elephant so I can remember the times I spent with her but the sadness of her absence is more overwhelming and won't let me think of anything else. I miss you so much Becca. I know you're sitting on the mountain top and over looking all of us but I just wish you were here. Rest in peace!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Quarter Life Crisis!
I never thought I would have that moment where I would feel old. I always thought age was in someone's head and I know it is, just this is the first time I wasn't looking all that forward to my birthday. A while back my brother had sent me an article about being 25 & older and that article made me realized its time to grow up. I really wanted to be a Toys R Us kid forever though!
The article my brother sent me -- http://tomatonation.com/stories-true-and-otherwise/25-and-over/
25 And Over
If you have reached the age of 25, I have a bit of bad news for you, to wit: it is time, if you have not already done so, for you to emerge from your cocoon of post-adolescent dithering and self-absorption and join the rest of us in the world. Past the quarter-century mark, you see, certain actions, attitudes, and behaviors will simply no longer do, and while it might seem unpleasant to feign a maturity and solicitousness towards others that you may not genuinely feel, it is not only appreciated by others but necessary for your continued survival. Continuing to insist past that point that good manners, thoughtfulness, and grooming oppress you in some way is inappropriate and irritating.
Grow up.
And when I instruct you to grow up, I do not mean that you must read up on mortgage rates, put aside candy necklaces, or desist from substituting the word "poo" for crucial syllables of movie titles. Silliness is not only still permitted but actively encouraged. You must, however, stop viewing carelessness, tardiness, helplessness, or any other quality better suited to a child as either charming or somehow beyond your control. A certain grace period for the development of basic consideration and self-sufficiency is assumed, but once you have turned 25, the grace period is over, and starring in a film in your head in which you walk the earth alone is no longer considered a valid lifestyle choice, but rather grounds for exclusion from social occasions.
And now, for those of you who might have misplaced them, marching orders for everyone born before 1980.
1. Remember to write thank-you notes. If you do not know when a thank-you note is appropriate, consult an etiquette book — the older and more hidebound the book, the better. When in doubt, write one anyway; better to err on the side of formality. An email is not sufficient thanks for a physical gift. Purchase stationery and stamps, set aside five minutes, and express your gratitude in writing. Failure to do so implies that you don't care. This implication is a memorable one. Enough said.
2. Do not invite yourself to stay with friends when you travel anymore. Presumably you have a job, and the means to procure yourself a hotel. If so, do so. If not, stay home. Mentioning that you plan a visit to another city may lead to an invitation to stay with a friend or family member, which you may of course accept; assuming that "it's cool if you crash" is not. Wait for the invitation; if it is not forthcoming, this is what we call "a hint," and you should take it and make other arrangements.
3. Do not expect friends to help you move anymore. You may ask for help; you may not expect it, particularly if your move date is on a weekday. Your friends have jobs to go to, and you have accumulated a lot of heavy books by this point in your life. Hire a mover. If you cannot afford a mover, sell your books or put them in storage — or don't move, but one way or another, you will have to cope.
4. Develop a physical awareness of your surroundings. As children, we live in our own heads, bonking into things, gnawing on twigs, emitting random squawks because we don't know how to talk yet. Then, we enter nursery school. You, having graduated college or reached a similar age to that of the college graduate, need to learn to sense others and get out of their way. Walk single file. Don't blather loudly in public spaces. Give up your seat to those with disabilities or who are struggling with small children. Take your headphones off while interacting with clerks and passersby. Do not walk along and then stop suddenly. It is not just you on the street; account for that fact.
5. Be on time. The occasional public-transit snafu is forgivable, but consistent lateness is rude, annoying, and self-centered. If we didn't care when you showed up, we'd have said "any old time"; if we said seven, get there at seven or within fifteen minutes. Do not ditz that you "lost track of time" as though time somehow slipped its leash and ran into traffic. It shows a basic lack of respect for others; flakiness is not cute anymore, primarily because it never was. Buy a watch, wind it up, and wear it everywhere you go.
6. Have enough money. I do not mean "give up your scholarly dreams and join the world of corporate finance in order to keep up with the Joneses." I mean that you should not become that girl or boy who is always a few dollars short, can only cover exactly his or her meal but no tip, or "forgot" to go to the ATM. Go to the ATM first, don't order things you can't afford, and…
7. Know how to calculate the tip. Ten percent of the total; double it; done. You did not have to major in math to know how this works. You are not dumb, but your Barbie-math-is-hard flailing is agonizing and has outstayed its welcome. Ten percent times two. Learn it.
8. Do not share the crazy dream you had last night with anyone but your mental wellness professional. Nobody cares. People who starred in the dream may care, but confine your synopsis to ten words or fewer.
9. Learn to walk in heels. Gentlemen, you are at your leisure. Ladies: If you wear heels, know how to operate them. Clomping along and placing your foot down flat with each step gives the appearance of a ten-year-old playing dress-up, but a pair of heels is like a bicycle — you need momentum to stay up. Come down on the heel and carry forward through the toe, using your regular stride. If you feel wobbly, keep practicing, or get a pair that's better suited to your style of walking. It isn't a once-a-year prom thing anymore for a lot of you, so please learn to walk in them.
10. Have at least one good dress-up outfit. A dress code, or suggested attire on an invitation, is not an instrument of The Man. Own one nice dress, or one reasonable suit, or one sharp pair of pants and chic sweater — something you can clean up nice in for a wedding or a semi-formal dinner. You don't have to like it, but if the invitation requests it, put it on. Every night can't be poker night. Which reminds me…
11. Do as invitations ask you. Don't bring a guest when no such courtesy is extended. Don't blow off an RSVP; it means "please respond," and you should. "Regrets only" means you only answer if you can't come. If the party starts at eight, show up at eight — not at seven-thirty so you can go a "better" party later, not at eleven when dinner is cold. Eight. Cocktail parties allow for leeway, of course, but pay attention and read instructions; your host furnished the details for a reason.
12. Know how. Know how to drive. Know how to read a map. Know how to get around. Know how to change a tire, or whom to call if you can't manage it, or how to get to a phone if you don't have a cell phone. We will happily bail you out, until it becomes apparent that it's what you always need. The possibility of a fingernail breaking or a hairstyle becoming compromised is not grounds for purposeful helplessness.
13. Don't use your friends. It's soulless. It's also obvious. If the only reason you continue to associate with a person is to borrow his or her car, might I remind you that you have now turned 25 and may rent your own.
14. Have something to talk about besides college or your job. College is over. The war stories have their amusements, but not over and over and not at every gathering. Get a library card, go to the movies, participate in the world. Working is not living. Be interested so that you can be interesting.
15. Give and receive favors graciously. If you have agreed to do a favor, you may not 1) remind the favoree ceaselessly about how great a pain it is for you, or 2) half-ass it because the favoree "owes you." It is a favor; it is not required, and if you cannot do it, say so. If you can do it, pretend that nobody is watching, do it as best you can, and let that be the end of it. Conversely, if you ask for a favor and the askee cannot do it, do not get snappish. You can manage.
16. Drinking until you throw up is no longer properly a point of pride. It happens to the best of us, but be properly ashamed the next day; work on your tolerance, or eat something first, but amateur hour ended several years hence.
17. Have a real trash receptacle, real Kleenex, and, if you smoke, a real ashtray. No loose bags on the floor; no using a roll of toilet paper; no plates or empty soda cans. You are not a fierce warrior nomad of the Fratty Bubelatty tribe. Buy a wastebasket and grown-up paper products.
18. Universal quiet hours do in fact apply to you. They are, generally, as follows — midnight to six AM on weekdays, 2 AM to 8 AM on weekends. Mine is a fairly generous interpretation, by the by, so bass practice should conclude, not start, at ten PM. Understand also that just because nobody has complained directly to you does not mean that a complaint is not justified, or pending. Further, get your speakers off the floor. Yes, "now." Yes, a rug is still "the floor."
19. Take care of yourself. If you are sick, visit a doctor. If you are sad, visit a shrink or talk to a friend. If you are unhappy in love, break up. If you are fed up with how you look, buy a new shirt or stop eating cheese. If you have a problem, try to fix it. Many problems are knotty and need a lot of talking through, or time to resolve, but after a few months of all complaining and no fixing, those around you will begin to wonder if you don't enjoy the problems for the attention they bring you. Venting is fine; inertia coupled with pouting is not. Bored? Read a magazine. Mad at someone? Say so — to them. Change is hard; that's too bad. Effort counts. Make one. Your mommy's shift is over.
20. Rudeness is not a signifier of your importance. Rudeness is a signifier of itself, nothing more. We all have bad days; yours is not weightier than anyone else's, comparatively, and does not excuse displays of poor breeding. Be civil or be elsewhere.
The article my brother sent me -- http://tomatonation.com/stories-true-and-otherwise/25-and-over/
25 And Over
If you have reached the age of 25, I have a bit of bad news for you, to wit: it is time, if you have not already done so, for you to emerge from your cocoon of post-adolescent dithering and self-absorption and join the rest of us in the world. Past the quarter-century mark, you see, certain actions, attitudes, and behaviors will simply no longer do, and while it might seem unpleasant to feign a maturity and solicitousness towards others that you may not genuinely feel, it is not only appreciated by others but necessary for your continued survival. Continuing to insist past that point that good manners, thoughtfulness, and grooming oppress you in some way is inappropriate and irritating.
Grow up.
And when I instruct you to grow up, I do not mean that you must read up on mortgage rates, put aside candy necklaces, or desist from substituting the word "poo" for crucial syllables of movie titles. Silliness is not only still permitted but actively encouraged. You must, however, stop viewing carelessness, tardiness, helplessness, or any other quality better suited to a child as either charming or somehow beyond your control. A certain grace period for the development of basic consideration and self-sufficiency is assumed, but once you have turned 25, the grace period is over, and starring in a film in your head in which you walk the earth alone is no longer considered a valid lifestyle choice, but rather grounds for exclusion from social occasions.
And now, for those of you who might have misplaced them, marching orders for everyone born before 1980.
1. Remember to write thank-you notes. If you do not know when a thank-you note is appropriate, consult an etiquette book — the older and more hidebound the book, the better. When in doubt, write one anyway; better to err on the side of formality. An email is not sufficient thanks for a physical gift. Purchase stationery and stamps, set aside five minutes, and express your gratitude in writing. Failure to do so implies that you don't care. This implication is a memorable one. Enough said.
2. Do not invite yourself to stay with friends when you travel anymore. Presumably you have a job, and the means to procure yourself a hotel. If so, do so. If not, stay home. Mentioning that you plan a visit to another city may lead to an invitation to stay with a friend or family member, which you may of course accept; assuming that "it's cool if you crash" is not. Wait for the invitation; if it is not forthcoming, this is what we call "a hint," and you should take it and make other arrangements.
3. Do not expect friends to help you move anymore. You may ask for help; you may not expect it, particularly if your move date is on a weekday. Your friends have jobs to go to, and you have accumulated a lot of heavy books by this point in your life. Hire a mover. If you cannot afford a mover, sell your books or put them in storage — or don't move, but one way or another, you will have to cope.
4. Develop a physical awareness of your surroundings. As children, we live in our own heads, bonking into things, gnawing on twigs, emitting random squawks because we don't know how to talk yet. Then, we enter nursery school. You, having graduated college or reached a similar age to that of the college graduate, need to learn to sense others and get out of their way. Walk single file. Don't blather loudly in public spaces. Give up your seat to those with disabilities or who are struggling with small children. Take your headphones off while interacting with clerks and passersby. Do not walk along and then stop suddenly. It is not just you on the street; account for that fact.
5. Be on time. The occasional public-transit snafu is forgivable, but consistent lateness is rude, annoying, and self-centered. If we didn't care when you showed up, we'd have said "any old time"; if we said seven, get there at seven or within fifteen minutes. Do not ditz that you "lost track of time" as though time somehow slipped its leash and ran into traffic. It shows a basic lack of respect for others; flakiness is not cute anymore, primarily because it never was. Buy a watch, wind it up, and wear it everywhere you go.
6. Have enough money. I do not mean "give up your scholarly dreams and join the world of corporate finance in order to keep up with the Joneses." I mean that you should not become that girl or boy who is always a few dollars short, can only cover exactly his or her meal but no tip, or "forgot" to go to the ATM. Go to the ATM first, don't order things you can't afford, and…
7. Know how to calculate the tip. Ten percent of the total; double it; done. You did not have to major in math to know how this works. You are not dumb, but your Barbie-math-is-hard flailing is agonizing and has outstayed its welcome. Ten percent times two. Learn it.
8. Do not share the crazy dream you had last night with anyone but your mental wellness professional. Nobody cares. People who starred in the dream may care, but confine your synopsis to ten words or fewer.
9. Learn to walk in heels. Gentlemen, you are at your leisure. Ladies: If you wear heels, know how to operate them. Clomping along and placing your foot down flat with each step gives the appearance of a ten-year-old playing dress-up, but a pair of heels is like a bicycle — you need momentum to stay up. Come down on the heel and carry forward through the toe, using your regular stride. If you feel wobbly, keep practicing, or get a pair that's better suited to your style of walking. It isn't a once-a-year prom thing anymore for a lot of you, so please learn to walk in them.
10. Have at least one good dress-up outfit. A dress code, or suggested attire on an invitation, is not an instrument of The Man. Own one nice dress, or one reasonable suit, or one sharp pair of pants and chic sweater — something you can clean up nice in for a wedding or a semi-formal dinner. You don't have to like it, but if the invitation requests it, put it on. Every night can't be poker night. Which reminds me…
11. Do as invitations ask you. Don't bring a guest when no such courtesy is extended. Don't blow off an RSVP; it means "please respond," and you should. "Regrets only" means you only answer if you can't come. If the party starts at eight, show up at eight — not at seven-thirty so you can go a "better" party later, not at eleven when dinner is cold. Eight. Cocktail parties allow for leeway, of course, but pay attention and read instructions; your host furnished the details for a reason.
12. Know how. Know how to drive. Know how to read a map. Know how to get around. Know how to change a tire, or whom to call if you can't manage it, or how to get to a phone if you don't have a cell phone. We will happily bail you out, until it becomes apparent that it's what you always need. The possibility of a fingernail breaking or a hairstyle becoming compromised is not grounds for purposeful helplessness.
13. Don't use your friends. It's soulless. It's also obvious. If the only reason you continue to associate with a person is to borrow his or her car, might I remind you that you have now turned 25 and may rent your own.
14. Have something to talk about besides college or your job. College is over. The war stories have their amusements, but not over and over and not at every gathering. Get a library card, go to the movies, participate in the world. Working is not living. Be interested so that you can be interesting.
15. Give and receive favors graciously. If you have agreed to do a favor, you may not 1) remind the favoree ceaselessly about how great a pain it is for you, or 2) half-ass it because the favoree "owes you." It is a favor; it is not required, and if you cannot do it, say so. If you can do it, pretend that nobody is watching, do it as best you can, and let that be the end of it. Conversely, if you ask for a favor and the askee cannot do it, do not get snappish. You can manage.
16. Drinking until you throw up is no longer properly a point of pride. It happens to the best of us, but be properly ashamed the next day; work on your tolerance, or eat something first, but amateur hour ended several years hence.
17. Have a real trash receptacle, real Kleenex, and, if you smoke, a real ashtray. No loose bags on the floor; no using a roll of toilet paper; no plates or empty soda cans. You are not a fierce warrior nomad of the Fratty Bubelatty tribe. Buy a wastebasket and grown-up paper products.
18. Universal quiet hours do in fact apply to you. They are, generally, as follows — midnight to six AM on weekdays, 2 AM to 8 AM on weekends. Mine is a fairly generous interpretation, by the by, so bass practice should conclude, not start, at ten PM. Understand also that just because nobody has complained directly to you does not mean that a complaint is not justified, or pending. Further, get your speakers off the floor. Yes, "now." Yes, a rug is still "the floor."
19. Take care of yourself. If you are sick, visit a doctor. If you are sad, visit a shrink or talk to a friend. If you are unhappy in love, break up. If you are fed up with how you look, buy a new shirt or stop eating cheese. If you have a problem, try to fix it. Many problems are knotty and need a lot of talking through, or time to resolve, but after a few months of all complaining and no fixing, those around you will begin to wonder if you don't enjoy the problems for the attention they bring you. Venting is fine; inertia coupled with pouting is not. Bored? Read a magazine. Mad at someone? Say so — to them. Change is hard; that's too bad. Effort counts. Make one. Your mommy's shift is over.
20. Rudeness is not a signifier of your importance. Rudeness is a signifier of itself, nothing more. We all have bad days; yours is not weightier than anyone else's, comparatively, and does not excuse displays of poor breeding. Be civil or be elsewhere.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
"Check you out being the bigger person"
I decided to start a blog. :) What better day than today. Today was the first time in almost five years the original sisters of Omega Delta got together for a dinner. I'm sure all of Cafe Istanbul got tired of us taking up all the room and squealing every 10 minutes when a new girl arrived at dinner.
What is Omega Delta? Omega Delta is a social club at Oxford College of Emory University, for a lack of a better word, it is a sorority. Anytime I tell someone it's a sorority, they instantly imagine a group of girls having sleep overs, doing each others hair and makeup. We weren't that kind of group of girls and over the years what we stood for and everything that we had built had got lost along the way. Today, I believe we are a group that has accumulated over 50 members, when back in Fall 2003 we didn't even know if we were going to make it to the next year. I want to believe the path we paved was significant. It only took five years for a brave new president to bust down the door and bring us back into the picture. By "us" I mean old school. Apparently, these girls were told not to speak to any old school members. I immediately felt hurt and annoyed, I realized these girls were not getting the maximum potential of what a sisterhood should provide. I was almost offended and in my head I started wondering where would I be without this group of girls in my life.
At one point in my life, I really stopped caring about this so-called sorority, but it wasn't long until my own line sister, Courtney, reminded me why I loved it so much to begin with. Anytime I would get frustrated, she would remind me "you drop, I drop". I remember I always had someone by my side. Ms. Courtney McBee, she was the only reason I made it in the end and she's the only person that keeps me grounded when it comes to all this Omega Delta stuff. It was one faithful day during tap-in (that's what we called our rush period) when I had really just got so fed up with everything that I wanted to get out of it and Courtney took my arm and as we walked up Frat Row at Emory she said, "you drop, I drop". I was astonished to hear such words, in that moment I knew I had to keep doing it for her sake. After that moment alone, I made more effort and became a part of this brand new social club on campus that was riding on a temporary charter, which actually meant no guarantee for a future past May 2004.
We crossed in October 2003. I was named Pucker Up and my big sister was Rebecca Carter. Rebecca was the best big sister, she's the reason I joined to begin with. She convinced me that I could be a part of an old tradition or I could be part of something new. I can't imagine having anyone else as a big sister. Rebecca passed away last April and there are so many days I just think about her because there is so many random things that I just loved about her and the reminders are everywhere. Her favorite perfume at the time was Beyond Paradise, she smoked cloves, and sometimes she indulged in Bacardi O. Being her little sister was the easiest because all I had to do was provide her with a box of cloves. She was buried on a mountain top cemetery where you could the Atlanta skyline, I think of her the most when I see the skyline as I drive through that area in Marietta/Smyrna. I always miss her and wish I had got to spend more time with her, but I always cherish the times we did have together. As a tribute to Rebecca I had Frute Faerie put on my jersey, I also had it done for Courtney. The look on her mother's face during the funeral was so overwhelmed when Courtney showed her the jersey, I still think about it every time I see it.
When I finally got pass my annoyance of some seed that was clearly planted by someone that was trying to ban old school forever, I took in the time with these new girls that drove from Oxford to be with us. Shana, Kristi, and Jennifer, were all of us somehow, someway divided into three different people, thank God it was only our good qualities. These girls had poise, a sense of humor, outgoing, and actually made me glad they made the effort to bust down that barrier between new girls and old school. After we had some dinner, Courtney, Talitha, Tiffany, and Vani explained to them how important it was to actually have this line of communication with an old school member. That line of communication, obviously is beneficial when you're trying to network and really get your foot in the door. I think in that moment we all felt a little old but we knew that we really needed to be heard about this. While we were all saying, I'm sure all of us felt a bit guilty it had taken almost five year since we had honestly had a rendezvous. I'm sure at one point we figured we all know what's going on with each other because Facebook has made it easier to know Talitha got engaged and is about graduate Nursing school from John Hopkins, Tiffany tapped into her inner Cake Boss, Vani got married, Courtney got a new job in downtown Atlanta, Sharon continues to dance, Afzaa has a boyfriend and works for the Art Institute, Fareen works for Dekalb Medical, Ferin lives in London and is engaged, Lizzie is in Pharmacy school, Becca passed away, and in my free I play with makeup. I think today made us realize we can't let so much time pass and we agreed to make these dinners more frequent.
I want to say that thanks to Shana, Kristi, and Jennifer, they were actually able to bring old school back together. There had been such a rift between all of us, whether it was something personal or just simple distance and time, but I really hope this time from now on will be different. There are people that do come into your life and you don't really know how they got there but for some reason those are the people you want keep the closest. I really do love my girls and I'm so happy I decided to be a part of something new.
What is Omega Delta? Omega Delta is a social club at Oxford College of Emory University, for a lack of a better word, it is a sorority. Anytime I tell someone it's a sorority, they instantly imagine a group of girls having sleep overs, doing each others hair and makeup. We weren't that kind of group of girls and over the years what we stood for and everything that we had built had got lost along the way. Today, I believe we are a group that has accumulated over 50 members, when back in Fall 2003 we didn't even know if we were going to make it to the next year. I want to believe the path we paved was significant. It only took five years for a brave new president to bust down the door and bring us back into the picture. By "us" I mean old school. Apparently, these girls were told not to speak to any old school members. I immediately felt hurt and annoyed, I realized these girls were not getting the maximum potential of what a sisterhood should provide. I was almost offended and in my head I started wondering where would I be without this group of girls in my life.
At one point in my life, I really stopped caring about this so-called sorority, but it wasn't long until my own line sister, Courtney, reminded me why I loved it so much to begin with. Anytime I would get frustrated, she would remind me "you drop, I drop". I remember I always had someone by my side. Ms. Courtney McBee, she was the only reason I made it in the end and she's the only person that keeps me grounded when it comes to all this Omega Delta stuff. It was one faithful day during tap-in (that's what we called our rush period) when I had really just got so fed up with everything that I wanted to get out of it and Courtney took my arm and as we walked up Frat Row at Emory she said, "you drop, I drop". I was astonished to hear such words, in that moment I knew I had to keep doing it for her sake. After that moment alone, I made more effort and became a part of this brand new social club on campus that was riding on a temporary charter, which actually meant no guarantee for a future past May 2004.
We crossed in October 2003. I was named Pucker Up and my big sister was Rebecca Carter. Rebecca was the best big sister, she's the reason I joined to begin with. She convinced me that I could be a part of an old tradition or I could be part of something new. I can't imagine having anyone else as a big sister. Rebecca passed away last April and there are so many days I just think about her because there is so many random things that I just loved about her and the reminders are everywhere. Her favorite perfume at the time was Beyond Paradise, she smoked cloves, and sometimes she indulged in Bacardi O. Being her little sister was the easiest because all I had to do was provide her with a box of cloves. She was buried on a mountain top cemetery where you could the Atlanta skyline, I think of her the most when I see the skyline as I drive through that area in Marietta/Smyrna. I always miss her and wish I had got to spend more time with her, but I always cherish the times we did have together. As a tribute to Rebecca I had Frute Faerie put on my jersey, I also had it done for Courtney. The look on her mother's face during the funeral was so overwhelmed when Courtney showed her the jersey, I still think about it every time I see it.
When I finally got pass my annoyance of some seed that was clearly planted by someone that was trying to ban old school forever, I took in the time with these new girls that drove from Oxford to be with us. Shana, Kristi, and Jennifer, were all of us somehow, someway divided into three different people, thank God it was only our good qualities. These girls had poise, a sense of humor, outgoing, and actually made me glad they made the effort to bust down that barrier between new girls and old school. After we had some dinner, Courtney, Talitha, Tiffany, and Vani explained to them how important it was to actually have this line of communication with an old school member. That line of communication, obviously is beneficial when you're trying to network and really get your foot in the door. I think in that moment we all felt a little old but we knew that we really needed to be heard about this. While we were all saying, I'm sure all of us felt a bit guilty it had taken almost five year since we had honestly had a rendezvous. I'm sure at one point we figured we all know what's going on with each other because Facebook has made it easier to know Talitha got engaged and is about graduate Nursing school from John Hopkins, Tiffany tapped into her inner Cake Boss, Vani got married, Courtney got a new job in downtown Atlanta, Sharon continues to dance, Afzaa has a boyfriend and works for the Art Institute, Fareen works for Dekalb Medical, Ferin lives in London and is engaged, Lizzie is in Pharmacy school, Becca passed away, and in my free I play with makeup. I think today made us realize we can't let so much time pass and we agreed to make these dinners more frequent.
I want to say that thanks to Shana, Kristi, and Jennifer, they were actually able to bring old school back together. There had been such a rift between all of us, whether it was something personal or just simple distance and time, but I really hope this time from now on will be different. There are people that do come into your life and you don't really know how they got there but for some reason those are the people you want keep the closest. I really do love my girls and I'm so happy I decided to be a part of something new.
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