It will be all better....

Today bought really devastating news in Boston about a terrible terrorist bombing at the Boston Marathon. The month of April has so many tragedies attached to it (Waco, Oklahoma City, Columbine, Virginia Tech) , it's hard to the seek any brilliance in any of these crises. I take moment to think about the children from all these tragedies, and my heart begins to ache. Years ago, before I became the tech geek you know and love, I wanted to be a middle school math teacher. As I got to the end of my college career, I had a change of heart and I realized if I didn't have the passion to be a teacher anymore, I should never put a child through my own angst. Children are so precious and I just recently remembered a book we talked about in one of my education classes called The All Better Book. This class was about children with special needs, and I had moments that really gave me the drive to be a teacher. It was this same passion that was lost in translation when I realized today's generation is beyond me and my control. I want to say it takes a bigger person to detour from a path because in the long run you didn't want to ruin someone else's life, but perhaps in reality it was just a cowardly move.   

"The All Better Book" takes about 10 minutes to read, but provokes thought for years thereafter. The book asks school age children how they would solve some of the world's most pressing problems. The answers and insights are humorous. The simple way children view adult problems reminds us that sometimes the most basic answer is also the best one. 

There is a hole in the ozone, the layer of gas that protects the Earth. How would you repair a hole like that?
- Get some dirt and seeds and plant flowers over the hole to make it look pretty for the aliens.
- Take a sample of the gas and have scientists make some more and put it back up there.

A lot of countries are getting rid of their weapons. But some of the weapons, like tanks, were built so that nothing could destroy them. What should the leaders do with indestructible tanks?
- They put them together, didn’t they? They must have the instructions somewhere. Just get the instructions out and do it backwards.

As the president of the United States, what would you do personally for all the people without homes?
- I’d … let him or her live with me.
- I would build another Entire State Building just for people without homes.

How about all of the animals without homes?
- I will take them all home to my house.
- Give cats food, a little bath, and no junk food. Let them lick you in the face….

Can you think of a cure for prejudice?
- Make them wear plaid jackets, plaid shirts, plaid pants and plaid sneakers that say, “Don’t be prejudiced.”
- Everyone should invite someone who is different to their house once a week.

How do you fix someone’s broken heart?
- Sing a song. Stomp your feet. Read a book.

What kind of improvements does our education system really need?
- I wish you could learn about math faster.
- Make all the floors have thick rugs.
- I would put chocolate milk in the water fountain.

Is there any way to keep kids from joining gangs?
- Let them help the police.
- Let kids start a radio station with school news.
- Build an underwater dome that kids could play in so they wouldn’t get bored.
- Have kids make a company that helps people in the neighborhood.

Do you have any advice for people trying to stay young?
- My aunt uses Mary Kay.
- Keep your imagination or try to lose weight.
- Get frozen.

What can men and women do to get along better?
- My mom should try ice hockey.
- Girls like to stay clean and healthy and brush their teeth, and boys don’t care.
- They should just understand that women are more mature than men.

People always say “Life’s not fair.” What’s not fair about it?
- It’s not fair that my brother has a bunk bed.
- No one should be born with asthma.
- It’s not fair that friends are hard to keep and that they fade away.

When people break the law, we put them in jail. What would you do?
- Make them do gymnastics for a month.
- Make them go to the principal’s office and get in very deep trouble.

The government is sort of broke. How can it raise money?
- The president should get a job.
- The president could sell icies or play Bingo.
- Have them: 1. Try a lemonade stand. 2. Write a book. 3. Work at McDonald’s 4. Be a teacher.

Grown-ups need to have more fun. What do you suggest?
- Run through the sprinkler.
- Have more boyfriends.
- We should read to them and play with them more.

"The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them." - Paulo Coelho

Without you...

My heart still can't imagine that she is gone. The little reminders that surround me have become overwhelming. Rebecca has been gone for four years and I find this year the most unbearable. 

"Geoffrey Chaucer wrote: 'Time heals all wounds,' but what he failed to mention was the scar those wounds leave behind. The painful things that happened to us permanently leave their mark. They don’t necessarily hurt anymore but they are always there as a reminder. As a memory. And as time passes maybe the memory gets a little fussy. But we always have the scar to remind us it happened. That we lived through it. That we survived." *Carrie Diaries*

I have small reminders that keep me in a very melancholy mood. Driving to see my new baby niece, I see a white Mercury Cougar, the tears just fell and turned into a major meltdown. The fire at Oxford on my birthday in 2004 crossed my mind, Rebecca's floor was affected and she had to move. The thoughts of Day of Silence cross my mind and I cry every time I wear my shirt. Hanging in my room, is my Omega Delta jersey with her name stitched in the bottom corner. I remember late night study nights and staying outside with her while she would smoke her cloves. 

I've had some moments lately that I wish I just had my big sister to talk me through. She always seem to make things better when I was at my lowest. Death is like the bad breakup with no closure. The mystery behind her death still leaves a void that I still haven't been able to articulate. Usually in a breakup, you can eventually get your answers as time goes on or letting go becomes easier. With death, the answers stay unanswered and letting go isn't as easy. In breakups, you have a moment you can finally apologize and find some redemption. In death, you almost fear your apologies are getting lost in the wind and the feelings consume you. 

This year may have been the first time I broke down and couldn't hold in my tears. I told a friend and he told me that, "ignorance can be bliss, not knowing will help you hold on to the memories that help you think of her in high esteem." The pain just doesn't seem to suppress. Losing someone you care so much about will never be easy. Over the years, I've lost a few people in my life but Rebecca leaves a hollow space in my heart that I will never be able to explain. The memories pop up more so in April than any other time of the year. The smile she was able to bring on my face is not something I can compare. I'm left with memories of cloves and a perfume that leaves me intoxicated. I miss Becca, my sweet big sister. 

What if the last hug you gave me was the last one ever, would you have held on a little longer? What if it's just as easy as scrolling to my name, would you call me one last time? What if all you wanted to do was tell me you love me, would you? I would do all those things right now if I could just have Becca here one more time. I'll never have this chance, but you have a choice to change those moments that could be your very last.