New year's eve I went to the Hyatt party with Uma and Hitesh (my pseudo-parents) and it was a debutante for me of some sorts. People hadn't really seen me in a while because I went into hiatus this past year, so I'm sure my new physique was nothing less of a shocker. I walked in with a tight, short coral dress, something I would have never dreamed of wearing circa October 2009 (45+lbs heavier). I found it interesting how much attention I received soon after. Some people admitting they always wanted to ask me out, but never had the guts (I find that hard to believe). Some saying that they were waiting for me to be single (that one I understand). I know no one is going to say, "Hey, listen I'm asking you out because I always thought you were sweet and cute, but honestly you were slightly too thick for my liking." I still have to wonder though, is all this attention thanks to a tight, short coral dress that my best friend Lisa sent after a fitting room meltdown? Also, how do I decipher who is real and who is not. Thanks to friendly reminders via parents, relatives, and friend's wedding invitations and proposals, I should start looking for a significant other for life. However, I can't help but want to feast on this moment. I've never received this attention and I almost want the opportunity to date, but that just doesn't seem practical anymore. I'm reminded of a quote from Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho.
The power of beauty: what must the world be like for ugly women? She had some girlfriends who no one ever noticed at parties or who men were never interested in. Incredible though it might seem, these girls place far great value on the little love they received, suffered in silence when they were rejected, and tried to face the future by looking for other things beyond getting all dressed up for someone else. They were more independent, took more interest in themselves, although, in Maria's imaginations, the world for them must seem unbearable.I don't know about unbearable, but the word disappointing comes to mind. I'm not saying I was ugly or anything but being slight chunky had an effect on my total confidence and in general made me slightly closed off. I've always been eccentric and social, but after being rejected here and there, I stopped making efforts towards the opposite sex. It was actually endearing when someone told me recently, "I loved that you talked to me like you had known me for years, even though you had no idea who I was...that shows confidence." I never realized holding a conversation exuded confidence, but I'm glad it did because it got me asked out on a date...LOL. I understand the rest though. I was that girl back in the day. I used to dissect every glance, smile, conversation I had with a guy in the hopes of trying to see if he was even remotely interested in me. Also, I put myself on the line so many times and every time I got rejected my world was shattered. I want to say that's what has built this tough skin I have. In a sense, I am more independent; and after a severe physical transformation, because I took the time to just be interested in myself, I'm happier and comfortable in my own skin. Girls like Maria never really graduate into real life and only find comfort in a irrelevant period in life i.e. high school, when cheerleaders ruled the world. Like I said, 2011 I'm ready for you.
January is coming to an end and 2011 has been interesting to say the least. Without going into details and putting my life on complete blast, it has been an amazing month and I'm sad that's its coming to an end. I think I learned more about myself in this one month than ever before.
Lesson 1 -- never be afraid to open up to someone. I know what everyone is thinking, you have to keep your guard up, be mysterious. Well, I'm sorry, if its beyond your character at the end of the day you're just making a fool of yourself. People who are mysterious have a coquettish quality to begin with. You can't become a coquette, that's a trait that is instilled when you start exploring the art of seduction.
Which brings me to lesson 2 -- attraction isn't entirely about seduction, its in as something simple as a smile. Seduction is about what instantly attracts you to someone and 80% of the time it seems to be something completely non-verbal (a glance, a smile, etc.). After everything is said and done, with or without 45lbs, one compliment that never gets old for me is, "Hemina, I love your smile." I'm British born (stereotype) and never had braces, It's seriously the nicest thing someone can say to me. Someone recently admitted he's been attracted to me because of my smile since the day he met me at my gym. He never wanted to ask me out because I had a boyfriend and soon after he had a girlfriend. What's funnier is, something about his confidence and physique was also rather attractive from the day I met him, so imagine my surprise to hear that the attraction was reciprocated.
Anyway I digress, lesson 3 -- once you're treated like a princess, you better not ever settle for less. You'll simply never be satisfied, if you're treated any differently. I'm not talking about the old days of chivalry (let's face it, its dead), but I'm talking about that attention you get when someone really likes and cares for you. If he's not calling, trying to make time for you, and playing that silly "hard to get" game then to be honest he's not worth it. I know it's easy to say and write the guy off as a douche when you're giving the advice, but honestly this past month I learned I deserve a text here and there and a phone call to say "goodnight". If the guy, who is supposedly into you, can't do that much, something is wrong.
This next one is for the fellas, lesson 4 -- ladies, you can and should buy your date a drink after the first date. If you sit and talk about how much a guy doesn't respect you and you counteract that with, "I'm really independent", the only remedy is to buy the guy a drink. He will respect you, furthermore you'll prove your independence...just saying. Unless you are a student and/or do not have a steady flow of income, you should drop the 15-20 bucks for a couple of beers.
Lesson 5 -- never seek advice from those who don't have their act together. I refer to my favorite author, Paulo Coelho, "(Don’t) listen to the malicious comments of those friends who, never taking any risks themselves, can only see other people’s failures." I think with my heart about 90% of the time and only 40% of the time has it really got me in trouble. When I say trouble though I'm referring to emotional despair, that I still deal with on my own terms. My two best friends tell me I sugar-coat everything, but on the flip side I seem to deal with breakups and breakdowns without drawing too much attention to myself and staying classy. Uma best explained it, she said that its because I seem to work out every angle possible before making an ultimate decision and that's why its easier for me to walk away. Most people break-up at the drop of every issue and play that back and forth game with each other, me being the non-confrontational person I am, I work on it as much as possible without being too public about it and find every solution. When you put that much effort into something and see no results, you have no choice but to walk away. However, does this mean I have my act together or not, and should you be listening considering I told you not to in lesson 5? I seek advice from a handful of people, and of that handful I only really listen to 1 or 2. I do ask those people who don't have their act together and usually do the opposite, that definitely works in my favor.
Last but not least, lesson 6 -- I'm from a different breed. As Uma loves to point out when I'm in complete shambles, I'm not like most girls. I wake up and do puja every morning. I kiss my mother on the cheek and utter "Jai Shri Krishna" before leaving a room. I'm feel the most beautiful in sweats and no makeup, but for some reason that doesn't stop me from mastering the art of makeup. I love cooking and want to master Gujarati cooking, for that matter never lose touch with my culture. The attention I receive, I want it to be for positive efforts, and not plaster my Facebook with "FML" moments that really shouldn't be so exposed for the mere attraction and pity that is received (if you're a good enough friend you know what I'm going through and they're really the only people that should know, not the other 890 friends on my list). When I am upset and just want to put it out there, usually its in the form of a witty quote (usually by Paulo Coelho) or a YouTube link to a relevant song. By the way, I recently posted a "Before & After" picture and someone told me that its not really modest to do something like that. My very public reply to this person is the following: "Your jealousy is thoroughly noted and not appreciated; however, you're right it isn't very modest, but on the other hand I wasn't trying to be. I'm very proud and I'm actually feasting on the fact that people are calling me 'gorgeous' rather than 'cute' for once." For many years I played the liaison, "Yo, Hemina can you hook me up with your girl." Finally, its my turn and I'm running with it. In conclusion for this month, be yourself, be confident, and be happy. Oh yeah, and don't whine unless you're willing to fix it too.
As February approaches, I welcomed my parents back. They left for India and I missed them a lot. Of course, I'm happy to add to my wardrobe and have some snacks I crave. This trip was different for them, I must say. This trip signified the end of era of a sort (I can't really go into detail). Basically, at the end of the day I'm a firm believer that the truth will always prevail and my family (as in me, my father, mother, and brother) will always have each other. I don't know what I would do without my parents and brother, and the thought crossed my mind more than ever this past month. Verdict is still out but I do know at the end of the day, I love them now and forever. I'm interested to see what will happen, and I hope that I'm strong to get through it all.
