Veronika Decides to Die

"It's true in her life she had seen many things through to their ultimate consequences, but only unimportant things, like prolonging a quarrel that could easily have been resolved with an apology, or not phoning a man she was in love with simply because she thought the relationship would lead nowhere. She was intransigent about the easy things, as if trying to prove to herself how strong and indifferent she was, when in fact she was just a fragile woman who had never been an outstanding student, never excelled at school sports, and had never succeeded in keeping the peach at home. She had overcome her minor defect only to be defeated by matters of fundamental importance. She had managed to appear utterly independent when she was, in fact, desperately in need of company. When she entered a room everyone would turn to look at her, but she almost always ended the night alone watching a TV that she hadn't even bothered to have properly tuned. She gave all her friends the impression that she was a woman to be envied, and she expended most of her energy in trying to behave in accordance with the image she had created herself. Because of that she had never had enough energy to be herself, a person who, like everyone else in the world, needed other people in order to be happy. She might have impressed a lot of people with her strength and determination but where had it left her? In a void, utterly alone." -Paulo Coelho: Veronika Decides to Die 

I was reading Paulo Coelho's blog and he posted about one of my favorite books Veronika Decides to Die. In the post, he gave a YouTube link for the movie portrayal of the book starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. I had read the book for the second time after I got out of the hospital. This time I spent time highlighting my favorite quotes and dissecting them further. In so many different parts of the book, I felt choked up as she went through her time in the asylum and the thoughts she went through. As I watch the movie, it's nice to see some of it come alive and more visual. It's not a complete blockbuster but the essence is there. When I first read the quote above I had to read it a few times to feel her passion. My heart was in my throat after I read the quote a few times only to realize Veronika embodies any girl with an insecurity or who has gone through a moment of doubt. It's easy to put our whole life into one quote to explain it all but sometimes you just have to live your life and start making memories to quote your own wisdom. 

"Some people go their whole lives searching for one moment like the one you had and never achieved it..."